Found this poem I wrote for mom’s 80th

August 17, 2016
Carole's 80th with brother Glenn

Mother Carole with brother Glenn at her 80th

Photo evidence of poem shot by Caitlin Gray

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Final Poem for Father

February 13, 2015

Our father, who art in Heaven, shares the pope’s name

This made him, so very proud, that Francis brought him fame

He’s looking down, from above, angels by his side

Smiling wide, dignified, wondering why we cried

He knows he made it 90 years, convert the tears to cheers

He knows he beat the odds, and by many, many years

What he doesn’t know is the impact this world took

And when it was his time, how many lives he shook

Francis Henry Maynard, born in 1924

So…many…times he resisted Heaven’s door

Born in Providence, he fought in WWII

From there he met my mother. From there his legend grew

 

He started with four daughters, then two sons he had

Then mid-life, and 50, brought him to a purple fad

He bought a purple Cadillac, embarrassing my mom

For a very quiet man, he could destroy the calm

 

What a sense of humor. Loved his jokes, did Dad

Each time that he told them, he’d laugh harder just a tad

Loved his music too…Hendricks, Meatloaf, Who

Called the “coolest dad” by more than just a few

 

Loved to body surf, in Rhode Island, what a skill

He would ride the waves till the sandy shore he’d drill

So many friends and neighbors, he and mom they knew

How to throw a party, and my God, they threw a few

 

In closing, we are sad, and we’re left behind to grieve

Dad loved us all so much that he didn’t want to leave

We loved him, and rued the day, his light would try to cave

We love you Dad. We miss you. Stop laughing and behave

***Now we leave you with his favorite joke: Sammy Davis, Jr. and Ella Fitzgerald opened up a restaurant, but it didn’t do very well. They named it Sam & Ella’s Restaurant.

 He laughed at it every time he told it, and he’s probably laughing at it right now.

 

Toast to my sister Karen at wedding

December 5, 2009

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37K15Ymwcr4

How to Dine with Obama

December 3, 2009

I want to go to dinner at the White House in D.C.
Perhaps I will send email till I think that they agree
That is why America’s by far the place to be
Blast off White House email and Obama will feed ye

Everyone’s invited to a presidential dinner
You need not be a media hog nor obnoxious sinner
Care for dessert with Mick Jagger or the Pope?
Just blast off some email, and never give up hope

All you have to do is click SEND with your mouse
Repeat Step One, then pick out your favorite blouse
Then you leave a voicemail confirming you will be
Able to appear for America to see

Make it so confusing that a mix up could occur
Once you settle on the blouse, match it with your fur
Don’t believe a word of your declined dinner wish
Check the box anyway for chicken, meat or fish

Do as the Salahi’s did and when you do arrive
Seek out every picture op and give the Prez high-five
Look like you belong and soon the world will know
You, on a first name basis without a reality show

My sister Karen’s Wedding Toast

November 23, 2009

My first name is Glenn and I am my parent’s son
My sister Karen liked the name so much she married one
Glenn’s her Uncle’s name, and her cousin’s too
She’ll be sayin’ “Glenn” till she in the face is blue

Karen was a Maynard, and now she is a Davis
She’s just mighty happy that her first name isn’t Mavis
Glenn was a Davis, and now he is…actually he still is a Davis
And he, too, is quite happy about the Mavis thing.

Glenn and Karen Davis are the owners of this day
Since Glenn asked her to marry him and Karen said, “okay”
Both single yesterday; not so much today
I suggest we kneel and pray

Karen called me on the phone to say she got a ring
Was it in her ear, I wondered, or nose, and did it sting?
She said it’s for her finger and I pleaded “Tell me more!”
As I reached down to pick my jaw up from the floor

I turned the TV on…the channel CNN
Scrolling ‘cross the bottom was the news of she and Glenn
Obama broke in…and he was not averse
To interrupt programming for the pilot and the nurse

He put his nobel peace prize down and from the podium did yell
“Congratulations both of you…I think you both done swell”
We all here do feel the same and wish you both the best
Once you fly away from here and into your new nest

Little Boy Blew

October 20, 2009

Little boy blew…away so said his pop
Through Colorado in a balloon that couldn’t stop
Collectively America held their bated breath
Awaiting word that the boy had fallen to his death

Papa’s on TV and he’s crying as he states
His balloon is for the weather as his hope deflates
Video shows it sailing through the state for an hour
Before crashing in a field with survival hopes sour

The boy wasn’t in it.  He in the attic hid.
At 6 he couldn’t memorize lines as his father did
“Is this for that TV show?” is what the boy then muttered
In front of TV cameras as their balloon plan sputtered

Papa was on Wife Swap and publicity he seeked
But after his son’s question… his balloon plan leaked
Clearly he’s an idiot with lofty plans abounding
Family notoriety and nads that are astounding

The boy was found alive and the nation was at ease
The father was accused, but he turned and said, “Oh, please!”
He was a greiving father, but full of hot air too
Instead of TV shows it is cell mates he will woo

The Kirby Salesman Who Wouldn’t Leave

October 12, 2009

He was a kirby demo dude who would not leave my home
Piles of dust and hair in paper filters he did comb 
And suck from my carpet. The filth he did showcase
Appeared in white paper circles all about my place

Eighteen hundred dollars was the deal of the day
He made it sound as if I would be crazy not to pay
When I said “NO” he politely asked me for my phone
Calling up his boss so I could hear him piss and moan

He related to his boss that I could not afford
The vacuum he believed was sent from Heaven by the Lord
He lowered the reciever to his chest and then he said
To sit ’cause his boss made me a deal to drop me dead

He could do the vacuum for just thirteen hundred dollars
Across the room with phone to chest the demo dude hollars
Again I told him “NO” but he needed to know why
Saying it’s his fault that this product I didn’t buy

He began to pick up circle piles from the floor
Swiveling head from side to side thinking I was poor
“Do not tell a soul that I offered you that deal”
Is what he said to me as if he’d offered me a steal

I knew going in i’d get a carpet cleaned for free
I knew going in we’d not be sitting sipping tea
What I didn’t know was it’d be hard for him to leave
And pushy Kirby demo dudes would be my new pet peeve

It’s a Nice Day for a Walmart Wedding

October 1, 2009

In the York, Nebraska Walmart some horror did unfold
I’ve been to Walmart often, but this one takes the gold
A myriad of sights and sounds and harsh nightmares in fashion
Is what i’ve learned to be the norm; it’s oddly people’s passion

So the story goes that Super Walmart was the setting
For a couple in Nebraska…who there held their wedding
I cannot make this up, but Lawn & Garden was the site
Where they exchanged their vows, and cut the bagel bite

For guests it worked out well since there was a registry
It was the weekly flyer posted there for all to see
They needed to review it and then circle what they wanted
Putting gifts on layaway until they could be flaunted

His name is Robert “Vick” Vickrey, and he calls his wife Crystal
I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but not sharp as a pistol
They had a Walmart Wedding…thus making Billy proud
Idol pumping his fist through the air and also singing loud

You’ve gotta give them credit…just a hundred dollar limit
They had to give them light, but not that much, and had to dim it
The venue very bright…the couple not so much
It was so affordable now he can get that clutch

Ex In-Laws are in town

September 28, 2009

Met with former mum-in-law…it had been twelve years
Since I last saw Jude and before my life switched gears
After my divorce she no longer was my mum
Usually good ridance and in-laws kiss my bum

But Jude’s cut from a different cloth, so we agreed to meet
At The Whole Foods grocery store, we three found a seat
Oh, there was Julie, who is Jude’s best pal
The two of them excite well and she’s also a swell gal

My how years do swell and now the twelfth has rung its chime
We hugged and then reflected on the 90’s and our time
Together we had good times and she met us on our trip
And once her favorite son-in-law who never gave her lip

I signed a few more books and Julie bought one too
Got some real good feedback, and cherished it as I do
We sure did laugh hard at the crazy times rehashed
Jude gave me some items from the trip that she had stashed

How many dudes agree to meet up with an ex in-law
Am I in need of Therapy…to correct this flaw?
Met with former mum-in-law…seemed like just twelve weeks
Since I last saw Jude and my marriage had sprung leaks

Who Needs OJ when there’s my father?

September 22, 2009

My father put a scare in us when he took the car
He was banned from ever putting wheels upon the tar
At eighty-four and a half, his reflexes are slow
As he walks into the house I watch the chia pet grow

My mother was upstair when my father spotted keys
It had been a while so this chance he would seize
As mom descended stairs having heard a little fray
She found my father slowly backing out of the driveway

My brother then responded…to my mother’s plea
I had called just then to hear my father did just flee
I pictured thee white Bronco chase with choppers overhead
But he returned in 20 minutes from when he first fled

My mother held her head saying, “Where on earth were you?”
My father looked around wondering why such a stew
“I needed Softsoap” he declared, taking soap from the bag
I looked at his face to determine this was not a gag

“You know that you can’t drive” my mother said to him
“I’ve been driving since sixteen” my father sounded grim
He will never stop and if he sees a chance to go
He will grab the keys…and onto the town he’ll blow